she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
