Umm I'm too high to move.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You're earring is so big in my mouth
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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