Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
