I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
