im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
