I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think im going to throw up on grandma
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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