he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
