awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize