he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize