I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i believe in u and ur pee
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
