I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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