So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
