K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
