Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
