I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
