Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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