It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So much rum. So many feels.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize