I puked a lego.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
