I am in a vortex of obligation.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
