I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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