I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
