GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
