R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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