I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
