but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
