**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
