naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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