Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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