can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
