Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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