bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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