He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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