Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
