The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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