I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
