Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
