Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
