perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This house was built for laser tag.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
