so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
