cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
this beer tastes like vomit already
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize