I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
