chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
