hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
