just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
