You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
