; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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