I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
