I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
