i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
