And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
