Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
