But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You are the jesus of drinking
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
