Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
