please come you make the beer taste better
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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