now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
