I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
