i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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