I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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