My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
3pm strippers are depressing
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
