i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
