.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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