Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Damn victory sex feels great
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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