can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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