just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
