my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize