Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
