Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
