3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
