69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
