I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
