fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Couch. On fire.
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