Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
