If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
