sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
