i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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