I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
