If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
